What's more important?

When you have done something a certain way for so long, it is really hard to break that habit when it is necessary. I have always devoted alot of my time to the fire department, especially as an officer. Last month, I moved my girlfriend and her 2 girls into my small house. Now, my girlfriend is very very supportive of me being a firefighter, but I think that I may have taken a little more advantage of that than I should have. Responding to calls, doing P.R. events, and just hanging out at the station for too long and leaving her at home have taken up alot of my time with her. This is wrong. There has to be a smooth balance between work, family, and fire department if you want things to go on smoothly. People always say to cherish those close to you and never take a day for granted. If I continue down the road of making the fire station a high priority, I am likely to lose the woman I love. So I have to dial my commitment to the fire department back some and start devoting more committment to my girlfriend. However, this doesnt mean that I have to quit doing the things I have been doing, I just have to schedule things better in order to achieve the balance that is needed. Family comes first.

The only other way that I can think of that this may work with is if your significant other is a part of or participates in the fd activities. This can be a double edged sword and can have many outcomes, both good and bad. I'll give you my own personal account.
If you recall, I was once engaged to a girl that I met while four wheeler riding. She was a certified diver and wanted to use that skill for the fire department dive rescue team. I didnt think that was a bad idea, I had actually supported it. Then, she wanted to do more to participate, so she became a support member so she could go on the calls with me. I didnt mind this at all, we could do things together. After a short period of this, she decided that she wanted to do actual firefighting.....ok, if you have the desire and determination, bring it on! Then, it began to interfere with our relationship. The fire department became a bigger priority to her than "us", especially after I left our mutual department to join my original fire department. From then on, until we separated, it seemed to drive a bigger wedge between us until enough things (on top of the department) had piled up and eventually led to our separation 3 months after my proposal.

Now, you could say that girlfriends have no place in the fire house for plenty of reasons. One of them could even be that firemen like to hit on your girlfriend or that your girlfriend will hit on the other firmen. Not necessarily. I have had 2 other women in the fire service that did neither. Actually, we worked suprisingly well together all around when it came to inside and outside the deparment. My opinion is this....it depends on the female. Some women won't really care to be a part of something like this...and that's ok! Some women might like it a little bit and would like to participate some to help out and occupy some time...and we applaud your effort! Some women might get into it and you guys work very well together in all aspects...and thats great! Some women might get into it and may be a little more popular than you in a bad way....and again, depending on the female, this could be a bad thing. Part of love is knowing someone can destroy you, but trusting them not to. If you trust her to do the right thing and she doesn't....thats her loss. However, if you dont't trust her...that alone can lead to bad times, and could be on you. You have to evaluate your trust level for the one you love in an organization like this and be prepared for what comes after.

The point of all this is...if she wants to be a part of the organization to help out and you have the trust for her to do so, it could go well for the both of you and maybe even add strength to your relationship. However, if she does not....then you need to be able to balance your time at the fire department around some of your family time. That means you may not be able to run alot of calls or even make alot of meetings, but ultimately...which is more important? You must decide.
Keep fighting the good fight!

Lessons learned

We are coming into the fall season and fire related calls are already up, the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays usually bring a few more along with the cold winter months in general. Last week marked probably the only house fire in a couple of months. It happened to be near my house, so naturally I was first on the scene. At the time, I saw this as an opportunity to gain more experience on a pretty heavy housefire. Now that I think about it, I think I was more focused on trying to get that experience and move up the ladder than embracing my position and the job that goes along with it in a fire. Granted, even the Fire Chief said he was pleased with my role as incident commander, I think I sometimes I forget that gaining the inside experience that I have missed out on over the years for various reasons is just as important as being outside and calling the shots. Don't get me wrong, I have been in plenty of fires, but there is still some inside insight that I can gain as the line officer that I didn't get before. To any of you younger firemen that may be reading this, my advice to you is this.... get all of the inside experience that you can while you can, you're definitely going to need it when climbing the ladder. 

Being an experienced firefighter is not about the years that you have been in the fire service or the amount of training you have received on paper. Sometimes it's about having the knowledge and experience of past incidents and making good decisions on any incident you're on. Here's an example. While taking my daughter home just the other day, I was riding down the highway with my girlfriend and our kids. I happened to notice a group of cars and people ahead of me on the side of the road. There are always people breaking down or pulling off to the side of the road for one reason or another on the highways, so this thought never escaped my mind at first. As I got closer, the thought that this may be more than I expected began to grow. My thoughts were confirmed when I pulled up to one vehicle of a two vehicle crash that happened to be sitting out in one of the lanes of traffic. No sooner than I take two steps from my truck to see if everyone is alright and if help has been called, I am approached by several bystanders telling me that the car is on fire and that they need a fire extinguisher. I jump into emergency mode. My first thought was to get the driver away from the vehicle and make sure that the appropriate agencies have been called. I'll take this opportunity to say that if you are a 911 operator/dispatcher, when you call another 911 center to report an emergency...you will probably be the most accurate when it comes to judgement. Any civilian can say that a dispatcher did not appear to be doing that job when something didn't go their way, but an actual dispatcher can have a WTF moment when they get transferred to highway patrol after saying the vehicle is on fire. Thankfully a sheriffs deputy pulled up shortly after and provided me with a couple fire extinguishers so that I could try to contain the blaze before it got well out of hand. Three dry chemical fire extinguishers later, I was only really able to keep the fire temporarily at bay. It eventually made it's way past the firewall and into the cabin, but I'm confident that it would have made its way that far well before this period If I had not tried the extinguishers. Keep in mind that I am well outside of my area, so when the fire truck pulled up and I happened to recognize the driver, I felt a little better. He quickly gave me the okay to strap on an air tank and proceed with fire attack. I was quickly able to control the fire and preserves a few of the items left in the back compartment of his vehicle. I felt very good about my decisions to stop, to keep using the Fire extinguishers although I wasn't confident they would put the fire completely out, and be suited up for when the truck came. I truly believe that my actions saved some of this man's property, and possibly his life. 

You can have all the fire classes in the world without experience, but good decisions come from lessons learned. Learn your lessons well. Take mistakes as a lesson learned and always strive to do a good job. Keep fighting the good fight.