What's more important?

When you have done something a certain way for so long, it is really hard to break that habit when it is necessary. I have always devoted alot of my time to the fire department, especially as an officer. Last month, I moved my girlfriend and her 2 girls into my small house. Now, my girlfriend is very very supportive of me being a firefighter, but I think that I may have taken a little more advantage of that than I should have. Responding to calls, doing P.R. events, and just hanging out at the station for too long and leaving her at home have taken up alot of my time with her. This is wrong. There has to be a smooth balance between work, family, and fire department if you want things to go on smoothly. People always say to cherish those close to you and never take a day for granted. If I continue down the road of making the fire station a high priority, I am likely to lose the woman I love. So I have to dial my commitment to the fire department back some and start devoting more committment to my girlfriend. However, this doesnt mean that I have to quit doing the things I have been doing, I just have to schedule things better in order to achieve the balance that is needed. Family comes first.

The only other way that I can think of that this may work with is if your significant other is a part of or participates in the fd activities. This can be a double edged sword and can have many outcomes, both good and bad. I'll give you my own personal account.
If you recall, I was once engaged to a girl that I met while four wheeler riding. She was a certified diver and wanted to use that skill for the fire department dive rescue team. I didnt think that was a bad idea, I had actually supported it. Then, she wanted to do more to participate, so she became a support member so she could go on the calls with me. I didnt mind this at all, we could do things together. After a short period of this, she decided that she wanted to do actual firefighting.....ok, if you have the desire and determination, bring it on! Then, it began to interfere with our relationship. The fire department became a bigger priority to her than "us", especially after I left our mutual department to join my original fire department. From then on, until we separated, it seemed to drive a bigger wedge between us until enough things (on top of the department) had piled up and eventually led to our separation 3 months after my proposal.

Now, you could say that girlfriends have no place in the fire house for plenty of reasons. One of them could even be that firemen like to hit on your girlfriend or that your girlfriend will hit on the other firmen. Not necessarily. I have had 2 other women in the fire service that did neither. Actually, we worked suprisingly well together all around when it came to inside and outside the deparment. My opinion is this....it depends on the female. Some women won't really care to be a part of something like this...and that's ok! Some women might like it a little bit and would like to participate some to help out and occupy some time...and we applaud your effort! Some women might get into it and you guys work very well together in all aspects...and thats great! Some women might get into it and may be a little more popular than you in a bad way....and again, depending on the female, this could be a bad thing. Part of love is knowing someone can destroy you, but trusting them not to. If you trust her to do the right thing and she doesn't....thats her loss. However, if you dont't trust her...that alone can lead to bad times, and could be on you. You have to evaluate your trust level for the one you love in an organization like this and be prepared for what comes after.

The point of all this is...if she wants to be a part of the organization to help out and you have the trust for her to do so, it could go well for the both of you and maybe even add strength to your relationship. However, if she does not....then you need to be able to balance your time at the fire department around some of your family time. That means you may not be able to run alot of calls or even make alot of meetings, but ultimately...which is more important? You must decide.
Keep fighting the good fight!

Lessons learned

We are coming into the fall season and fire related calls are already up, the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays usually bring a few more along with the cold winter months in general. Last week marked probably the only house fire in a couple of months. It happened to be near my house, so naturally I was first on the scene. At the time, I saw this as an opportunity to gain more experience on a pretty heavy housefire. Now that I think about it, I think I was more focused on trying to get that experience and move up the ladder than embracing my position and the job that goes along with it in a fire. Granted, even the Fire Chief said he was pleased with my role as incident commander, I think I sometimes I forget that gaining the inside experience that I have missed out on over the years for various reasons is just as important as being outside and calling the shots. Don't get me wrong, I have been in plenty of fires, but there is still some inside insight that I can gain as the line officer that I didn't get before. To any of you younger firemen that may be reading this, my advice to you is this.... get all of the inside experience that you can while you can, you're definitely going to need it when climbing the ladder. 

Being an experienced firefighter is not about the years that you have been in the fire service or the amount of training you have received on paper. Sometimes it's about having the knowledge and experience of past incidents and making good decisions on any incident you're on. Here's an example. While taking my daughter home just the other day, I was riding down the highway with my girlfriend and our kids. I happened to notice a group of cars and people ahead of me on the side of the road. There are always people breaking down or pulling off to the side of the road for one reason or another on the highways, so this thought never escaped my mind at first. As I got closer, the thought that this may be more than I expected began to grow. My thoughts were confirmed when I pulled up to one vehicle of a two vehicle crash that happened to be sitting out in one of the lanes of traffic. No sooner than I take two steps from my truck to see if everyone is alright and if help has been called, I am approached by several bystanders telling me that the car is on fire and that they need a fire extinguisher. I jump into emergency mode. My first thought was to get the driver away from the vehicle and make sure that the appropriate agencies have been called. I'll take this opportunity to say that if you are a 911 operator/dispatcher, when you call another 911 center to report an emergency...you will probably be the most accurate when it comes to judgement. Any civilian can say that a dispatcher did not appear to be doing that job when something didn't go their way, but an actual dispatcher can have a WTF moment when they get transferred to highway patrol after saying the vehicle is on fire. Thankfully a sheriffs deputy pulled up shortly after and provided me with a couple fire extinguishers so that I could try to contain the blaze before it got well out of hand. Three dry chemical fire extinguishers later, I was only really able to keep the fire temporarily at bay. It eventually made it's way past the firewall and into the cabin, but I'm confident that it would have made its way that far well before this period If I had not tried the extinguishers. Keep in mind that I am well outside of my area, so when the fire truck pulled up and I happened to recognize the driver, I felt a little better. He quickly gave me the okay to strap on an air tank and proceed with fire attack. I was quickly able to control the fire and preserves a few of the items left in the back compartment of his vehicle. I felt very good about my decisions to stop, to keep using the Fire extinguishers although I wasn't confident they would put the fire completely out, and be suited up for when the truck came. I truly believe that my actions saved some of this man's property, and possibly his life. 

You can have all the fire classes in the world without experience, but good decisions come from lessons learned. Learn your lessons well. Take mistakes as a lesson learned and always strive to do a good job. Keep fighting the good fight. 

Relief

In the fire service, there are a multitude of calls that we answer on a daily and even a weekly basis. Most of these emergency calls are EMS calls. Even with quite a few years of experience running medical calls, I still find myself learning something new each run. Most medical calls are routine, however, they can turn for the worse within seconds. I respond to most of these calls routinely, as I would any other emergency call. As far as medical calls go, I don't play around when it comes to kids. As a father myself, I understand the importance of help arriving quickly. Not to mention that an adult death is already a tragedy, but when it's a child...it's a whole different scene. We can remain rock solid when looking at the destruction that was once someone's everything, we can be rock solid as a family mourns the passing of another loved one who is an adult. I don't care what anyone says, how long anyone has been doing this, or what kind of personality you have... The death of any child that we are called to care for is going to affect us in some way.  Fortunately, I have never lost a child that I have worked on.

My mind wanders back, today, to a medical call that I ran some time ago involving a baby only weeks old. The call came in as difficulty breathing and turning colors, I wasted no time getting myself to the scene. When I pulled up to the house, the mother brought me her son, who couldn't have been more than a couple weeks old. She told me that his breathing had only slightly improved, but his color had still not returned. My first instinct was that I did not want to attempt to work on this little man outside in the sun, so I shuttled us back indoors. This was probably the first infant call I had ran on my own since I had become certified. Granted, I had back up coming, but the initial contact was still just me. As I asked the mother to hand me the baby, I became instantly terrified. "Is this beautiful little boy going to die in my arms??", I thought, "Would I be able to live with that? How?". I went back to my training, all those years of EMS classes. I noticed first, that his neck position was not ideal, maybe even restricting the airway slightly. I laid him down on the bed, cradling his neck with my arm, and put it in a position that I knew would open the airway fully. In less than a minute, his color had returned. The breathing was still not ideal, but he was breathing.  

The battalion chief walked in at this moment and began doing his thing. Being more experienced, he asked to hold the baby to provide additional care. Not long after, and out of nowhere, I heard one of the most relieving sounds in my entire career...the small cry of an infant being woke up. His eyes were open, he was moving, and he was even making little sounds. I have never felt more relieved on a call in my entire life. Being as humble as I am, I couldn't help but feel extremely good about the deed I had just done as I drove back. That is probably one of the only times that I can remember feeling like I actually made a difference.  

In all the stress of our daily lives, with a million and a half things going on...we can sometimes become overwhelmed. With what seems like the weight of the entire world on your shoulders, there is no lighter feeling that comes when you hear the soft cry of a baby telling you everything is alright. There's no better outcome than a job well done. 

Keep fighting the good fight....

Foundation

Fire calls are down, and medical calls are up. I can remember back in the day only hearing one or two medical calls a week while running at least that many fires a day. Now, you'll probably run that many working fires a month, but one or two medical calls a day...minimum! What does this say? That we have become safer, but less healthy? Were we healthier in previous years? Being from the south, I doubt that. What does this mean for the Fd? Skilled medical responders are in demand. If there were 3 of us per response area, there would be enough experience on scene to handle the call plus backup if needed. You'd also have backup if another call comes in. I went through this exact situation recently. I was responding to a call involving a child to the south of me. I don't play when it comes to kids! A few minutes away, I was cancelled. A little agitated, I prepared to turn around and return home. Just before I could even make a turn, they sent us another call close by. I was able to arrive within a couple short minutes. When I walked in the door and gathered the complaint, I quickly noticed a problem that may have otherwise gone unnoticed. I formed a solution and quickly administered it. I felt accomplished when my solution produced some relief. My skill and awareness to my surroundings was paying off. I may not have "saved her life", but I did make her feel better..and that was good with me.

In the fire service, everyone MUST work together. If this teamwork is not possible, is not obtained, or fails...objectives cannot be completed effectively and efficiently. I am both around the station more than I probably should be and not around the station alot. Make sense? Yeah, me neither. Nevertheless, even I can see that our structure is falling apart. The bricks that hold up the house are crumbling under pressure. The volunteers, for whatever reason, aren't working well with the paid guys. I would be willing to bet that some of them are a even little hesitant to follow their leaders (officers). Well, I don't blame them! These kinds of officers are exactly what I had when I was coming up. When I started this journey, I vowed to be the best officer that I could be. Now, I'm not tooting my own horn here, but I'd have to say that I don't do too bad of a job. I am knowledgeable in our policies (for the most part), I am VERY familiar with my firefighters on both a personal level and department level, I take the time to work with ANYONE wishing to learn more, and I go to bat for anyone that I feel deserves a defense. I have no doubt what-so-ever that my group of firefighters would follow my lead any given day of the week. I can work well with just about anyone, and try my best to diffuse situations where I can, but some things are just out of my reach. The point is, if the bricks keep crumbling...the house is going to fall. Then what?

 I have been single, still, for quite some time. I have been reaching out, conversing with ones that I find interesting. If it turns into a "friendship", then we move on from there. If it moves further, great...if not, oh well. It should go without saying that I've had more "oh well" moments lately. It's discouraging, but I keep the thought that something better waits for me. In a series of unplanned and unideal circumstances...I have actually met someone. Well, I wouldn't say that I met someone as much as I simply became reacquainted with her from somewhere around 20 years ago. I will pause, for a moment, and say that thinking back 20 years amazes me. I would have never thought that I would reference such a number of years in my life. I look back on 20 years ago and remember myself and my life. My father was the age that I am now, we had just moved into a house in a subdivision, I had started a new school, and I was nowhere NEAR thinking about this point in my life. Alot has changed, my friends. Back to the story. Like I said, through a series of unplanned and unideal circumstances (that I wont get into), I met someone. There have been a couple of set backs, but I can say that things are better than I would have ever expected at this point. Despite the circumstances, and say what you will, but this is the first time, in a long time, that I have felt this much for a woman. So many more factors are here now than I have seen in a long time. These are things I hoped for in other relationships, but could not find. I see happiness in my sights....finally. There are still some things ahead of us, I'm sure, but we are building a stronger structure by the day. I cant stop smiling. I know she is reading this...and I hope she is smiling too.

I always said that it was my life goal in the fire department to become lieutenant. I wont lie, before our departments merged, I dreamed of being fire chief of the local department I was with. I wanted to be the leader that everyone looked up to, everyone trusted, and that turned the department completely around. I honestly envisioned someone inquiring about volunteering at the department. As the paid guy would be explaining things, I would pull up. Young, skillful, and motivated forward.....I wanted to be looked at as the youngest, coolest, most motivated and professional fire chief in department history. Looking at where we were located...that may have been a reach. However, I have noticed that I now aspire to climb a step higher. Yeah, I still think about being the chief one day, but I see his work load...and I'm not ready for all that yet. I'm looking to be a bigger, better leader. I want to be the leader to the leaders. I want to show the leaders how to be leaders and how to lead future leaders. Make sense? I want to be Captain next. I have much to work on to reach the level that the ones above me hold, but I doubt not that this can be achieved.


No philosophy here, just the same old lines. Work hard, learn more, inspire others, make time, take time, take advantage, be a team player, reach higher, and most importantly....never give up.

A dying breed

I can remember the earlier years, being a young fireman coming up in the department, it had to be the coolest thing I had ever done in my life. You could hardly keep me out of the fire station! I ran every call that I could whether it was in my district or not. I wanted to gain as much experience, skill, and knowledge as possible. Late at night, I would be at the station playing on the computer, watching TV, and waiting on a call to come in. Some nights, we may not have a single call, and then some nights we may only get a few hours sleep. Those were the days. 

In the last five years, I've noticed that the commitment and the drive to participate has decreased substantially. Everyone seems to have better things to do all the time. Not only that, it's getting harder and harder to recruit new members of the younger ages because of the nonexistent financial aspect of the fire department. These kids don't really want any part of being a volunteer firefighter because it doesn't pay any dividends. I really only wanted to do it because it looked cool. As it turns out, I'm not so bad at it. The fact of the matter is that a volunteer department cannot function without volunteers. The community won't be protected as adequately which could force leaders to hire in more full-time firefighters. When this happens, the money for the salary has to come from somewhere, which leads to an increase in taxes. 

No one really stops and thinks about the benefits that the volunteer fire department brings to the communities. Volunteer fire departments save taxpayers thousands upon thousands upon thousands of dollars each year because most of the work is being done for free. I can tell you that, in my own department, we only have nine individuals on payroll. These nine individuals are county supplied firefighters that occupy the fire stations 24 hour the day. The Fire Chief, the battalion chiefs, captains, lieutenants, and regular firefighters all do not receive a single dime for the work that they perform. Yes, even the Fire Chief is a volunteer. 

If you look back in the history books, you will find that the fire service was founded with volunteers. Every single fire department in the world has started out, at some point, using volunteers to protect the cities and rural areas. Even the great city of New York fire department started out years and years ago with volunteers doing the work. As these cities have grown bigger, the demand for constant fire suppression personnel have increased, thus eliminating volunteers. I hear stories, every so often, about the local cities in my area having volunteer firefighters as late as the early to mid-90s. If you stop and think about it, that's not so long ago.  

Your community needs you. There is something for everyone to do in the volunteer fire department. We don't require experience, we can train anyone just about anything to benefit the department in the community. Not everyone has to fight fire. Truck drivers, creative minds, advertising specialists, and everyone that has a few hours in their week to be able to help their community are gladly appreciated. Don't let your community fall victim to a much bigger disaster because you didn't think that you could help out. We have the tools, we have the training, we just need you! 

Learning

I'm learning more and more, with each incident that I manage, just how frightening incident command can be when you're doing it on your own. Accidents, Car fires and woods fires are different, those come easy to me. Accidents are a gathering of information and deploying resources. Sometimes tht information takes a bit to gather. Car fires are relatively easy depending on the type of vehicle. Woods fires get a little complex when they start to grow in size and get away from you. They will begin to involve houses, businesses, and major roadways if not caught in time. Sometimes, this is unavoidable. You just have to deploy your resources as best as you can and wait. Any type of structure fire, however, is where it can get scary. You've got lives in your hands, lives that you cannot see all the time. Conditions can change within minutes and you have to be able to change your strategy with it. What's scary is that you don't always know exactly what these guys are looking at. You put trust in their skill and knowledge, hoping that all goes to plan. 

Typically, a company officer's duties as incident commander are only for the initial set up of the incident. After a captain or battalion chief arrives, the company officer can form his team and tend to his duties inside. Sometimes, he may be able to hang out outside with the other officer, leaving the very capable firemen inside to tackle the objective. The company officer trusts the team and their judgement when handling these duties while he is not present. I try to remember that my job isn't always to run the scene; but to lead a team into an incident, handle the assignments, and bring them all back out. Sometimes, however, there's not a more experienced officer around to handle a scene or I'm the first one that arrives. These times, it all falls in my hands. Not to toot my own horn, but I've looked back on some of my most recent commanding on incidents, and I've been somewhat proud of myself for the distance I've come in 5 years. I'm slowly getting better by the day. 

I've noticed that the chief will sometimes gear up and fight fire, leaving me in charge. I've often wondered why he does this. Talking with one of the paid firemen the other day (one that used to be an officer), we spoke of incidents such as these. We talked about chiefs in other areas and how you will rarely see a city white helmet actually suit up and fight fire. You are even less likely to see the fire chief or deputy chiefs, themselves, on a fire unless something had gone wrong. The white helmets job is generally command. It made me realize that, ultimately, if he trusts my judgement and leadership, he feels comfortable with letting me handle situations and will go play in the fire some. It feels good knowing my judgement is trusted. 

As I had predicted, my girl from the beach has took off again. No warning, no conversation, no pissy text messages or Facebook posts....just gone. Not like I'm surprised though, I figured it would turn out this way again. Probably why I didn't hold my breath on her actually being serious with me. She'll more than likely be back, but if not, then maybe this back and forth thing we've had for years will be done. Can't say it doesn't suck though, I have always looked forward to what our future would look like. So I've gone back to being able to do whatever I want again. 

It's summertime in the south. Kids are out of school, weather is warmer, the beaches are filling up, and the water feels good. This also means that people are out in their yards and properties, cleaning up and clearing off. Alot of calls are generated from someone doing some type of work. And this isn't just woods fires and general complaints, this will happen with structure fires too. This also means he related emergencies. I've encountered at least five patients that would have probably not needed a hospital trip had they taken the time to consume more water. It's getting easier to motivate our crew to drink more water, because I am needing to do the same thing. I already don't drink enough water during the day, so when I get done fighting a fire, I find myself trying to make up for the water I didn't take in earlier while replacing what I just lost doing the work. I am a work in progress, I can't have it right all the time or even right away. I can, however, continue to work on my skills and keep them sharpened as much as possible. 

Never stop learning. 

A new day

Calls have picked up for us. House fires seem to be occurring more often. This makes me realize that I could use done cardio. Not that I can't work... but if I'm going to work a bottle, swap out, take a drink, and then run right back in....I should do a little more activity. I have the curse of wanting to make sure things get done the way they're supposed to. I find myself running back in when I really should be outside cooling off. Maybe I should remember that I'm not 18 anymore. 

I'm all about bringing new people in as long as they're here to participate. The more people we have to work with, the better we will be. We are starting to see new members come in, some of them are female. I'm all for female firefighters. With proper training, they can become very valuable assets on the fire ground. Some would be pessimistic about females in the fire station, because of bad incidents in the past, but I tend to end up attracting crazy chicks even when I'm not at the fire station. I doubt it's even because I'm a fireman. I've been looking at my job there and what I actually do. I realize that I'm one of the only ones in my position that will take the initiative to help someone learn something new or conduct training at off times. As an officer, you're looked up to as a leader. The things you do or don't do determine what kind of leader you are. These actions can help or hurt you, you have to decide. 

I'm no stranger to being thrown into a situation I've never been in before or having to fight a fire alone. I can remember an evening in Alabama where I used to live. The Fd was dispatched to an abandoned mobile home on fire on the side of a road. Since nobody responded, I decided it was my duty to go take care of it, even though I was supposed to be going to dinner with my mom and fiancé at the time. Since I had not yet been cleared to drive the engine there, I took the brush truck. I figured that if I needed more water or a bigger truck, i could always call for mutual aid. I ultimately put the fire out by myself, but was back out there later that night. I'm pretty sure someone kept setting it. Same department a few weeks later, I responded to a house fire on the engine. Shortly after leaving the station, one of the newer firefighters realized that he was missing his gloves and couldn't make entry. The newly appointed lieutenant quickly chimed in "hope you can pump the truck!", to which he replied no. "Better see If you can borrow some gloves from somebody, cause I'm going in!". Really dude? "I'll pump the truck" I said with some discontent. Everyone else on the engine either didn't know how or didn't want to because they wanted to fight the fire. Jumping into this was in the best interest of the situation. Up until then, I had never pumped a truck on a house fire before. I would quickly get a crash course in pump operation by getting my ass handed to me with levers to pull, gauges to watch, lights to pay attention to, the house to keep an eye on, and my radio to listen to. I got a little overwhelmed, but held it together and after learning some new things, successfully pumped the truck on my first serious incident. 

This past weekend, I responded to a forest fire. I decided to respond the engine since I was aware of the area and how long it would take us to get up there. Forest fires in that area can grow quick. It wasn't long after I arrived that I was thrown into command so the other guys could go put out a fire. Okay! Doesn't bother me! It quickly occurred to me that we wouldn't be able to catch this one. Luckily, I had already called for the forestry department. I knew that it would catch a good patch of fuel and take off. I couldn't be more right, because not long after that thought passed through my mind, it did just that. I then began directing units to other areas for structural protection. No houses were lost, no property was lost, and no one got hurt. I would have to say that this incident went well under my command, which surprised me. I must say, with each passing call, I get better at doing the officer side of this. 

Sometimes we are given situations that we must direct under pressure. How we react to being under pressure determines factors in leadership. Some people can handle the stress and control, some people can't. These people are usually okay with having little to no responsibility. Your real leaders will rise to the top, even the unrecognized ones. As leaders, we have to be able to recognize upcoming leadership and be a light on their path. These new leaders will be our right hands when we are wearing the white helmet and they will replace us when it's time to put down the bunker gear. These guys and girls are the next generation of firefighters. 

Not on home field

I was recently asked to work a shift at another station in another part of the county. I accepted since I was available, could use the money, and was familiar with the area. I didn't mind the shift at all. We ran a couple of calls and even had a house fire. Not having anyone around to talk to was a bummer, but I always seem to get by. I even got to try a burger joint that I had been wanting to try since they opened. I would say that I was pleased with my 24 hours. 

Being there quickly reminded me how fortunate I am that my department has the participation that it does, with or without our requirements. When you're one of 4 people on a fire scene...you find yourself doing even more multi tasking. Thankfully, the fire supervisors actually enjoy running calls and doing a little working here and there. They were a welcomed hand that day. 

I would have to say that, even though I enjoyed my shift and some new scenery, I quickly realized that I wasn't on home field. I had no clue where anything was in the station, where to shower, where to sleep, or even what more was expected out of me other than what I already knew. It was like starting a new job where you work alone all the time or going to a new school. I knew hardly anyone there. I checked all my trucks, ran a couple calls, and spent the rest of the time wandering around aimlessly while doing little odd jobs to keep me awake and busy. I guess what bothered me most was that I was more unprepared than I thought. I had more questions than I had answers for, and I had quite a few answers. Maybe it's time I did a little more learning. 

I've been realizing more lately that I'm trying to juggle so many things at once In my personal, professional, and department lives altogether. I've tried to plan for so many things with such little time that I end up rolling things over to the next day. This causes more suffering in my personal life than anything. My priorities are still in line, but there's not much room left to relax. No rest for the weary I guess, or maybe it's just to keep me moving and active. Either way, all things cease when those tone drop! 

My beach chick is back, yet again. Only this time, it doesn't seem permenant. I have, however, gotten more information and truth now than I ever have since asking myself all these questions. In a nutshell, she's a woman and women are crazy. She wants everything and at the same time, has no clue what she wants or when she wants it. I'm just gonna keep doing what I'm doing and if it happens, it happens. 

The fact of life is, you're never going to know everything. There will always be room to learn and make improvements. You're also going to notice that nothing ever goes accordingly to plan, something is gonna get jacked up. What's important is how you deal with it. Sometimes you can take what you're given and roll with it. Things will work out somehow, it's not going to be all bad all the time. 

Have faith, and keep fighting the good fight. 

Winding down

In my particular department, we have a required minimum of response to calls that we have to meet. When you look at a requirement such as this, everyone tends to automatically think of the negative aspects. They think about making requirements of volunteers and about how it seems more like work than a hobby. When you look at it from an officer's standpoint, this ensures that enough personnel respond to emergencies at any given time. Those that argue that requiring us to have a minimum standard will say that this will deter us from wanting to volunteer. I feel this to be false. I'm going to run calls whether or not I have a requirement. I did it when I was the only person working a fire, and I'll do it all the same with help. 

My department is testing various participation methods this year to give the department a first had look of different options. I can already see that not may ppl are as dedicated as a few of us are, myself included. Maybe it's because I enjoy it so much an that I may have found my passion. I've never really understood completely, but for some reason, I've always made the protection and safety of my community a priority. Since the age of 18, I've always been ready to go at the drop of a hat. Ready to pull someone from a mangled car or man the hose on a house fire. Some of my proudest moments were tearing down the street in a fire truck on my way to a call. These days, everyone has gotten a little more safety conscious. In the eyes of safety, this is a good thing. 

In the interest of a positive image and public information, we created a Facebook page. I figure that most everyone uses Facebook anyway, it should be one of the easiest ways to get information out, people in, and generate support for the department. Our calls have went down lately. I figured we would be running ourselves ragged before it was all over with, but as it turns out, it wasn't all that bad. It would seem that the tensions we've had have subsided...for now. Back to normalish operations. We have hit pretty hard on our preplans this month. We are hoping to have every business preplanned before the end of the year. Time to go searching every nook and cranny. 

The volunteers have had a little more responsibility dumped on them due to some events. You can already tell who is up to the task of handling responsibility and who is not. It's nothing to frown upon, not everyone is up to the task. This is a point that leaders are realized. These men and women step up to challenges and take point amongst a team of their peers. Everyone gets into this business for different reasons. Some get into it for fun, some for education and experience, and some for novelty. When you find a person that is here for all the right reasons combined, you find the potential for leadership. 

Things won't always stay the same way. In this business, you have to be able to roll with the punches dealt to you at a moments notice. Your training and knowledge can be put to the test at the drop of a hat. Keep up on your training and remain at the ready. 

Keep fighting the good fight. 

Stability

Calls are starting to pick up. Where averaging anywhere from 3 to 5 or 6 calls a day on a good day, areawide. Since I bought my pick up truck, I haven't had the complete opportunity to install all the lights that I had purchased after I bought my truck. My intention was to hide many of my lights as possible to give my truck a sort of undercover look. Keeping with this intention and making sure all of the wiring is done as professionally as possible have proven to be quite a task working alone. This project has taken me roughly 2 1/2 weeks to complete due to my work schedule with both jobs, but I'm finally finished.

It seems that not only Congress and the Senate can divide a unity, but when your administration and the county governments are beginning to really clash, You begin to question which one is going to win and what outcome may derive from it. Me, personally, I've dealt with one hostile takeover in my "career" already, I don't really want to have to deal with another one. Watching the battle royale go down between my administration and the County administration is kind of like watching a debate between Republicans and Democrats. You know that the two sides are going to dig their nails in until the other one gives, both are gonna stay really pissed off, and until things are resolved...it's only going to get bad for your people. Personally, I see it as a relationship. Even though it's simply a professional business relationship, there are still two sides to the argument that need to come to a desired ending in favor of the people. With any relationship, there's always some sort of sacrifice to be made, I think that a compromise on both ends would be ideal in this situation to come to a happy medium so that we can all get back to doing our jobs. 

Thinking back on something that happened this weekend made me remember a story of a call I went on a few years ago. It was in the late evening hours on a weekday, My girlfriend at the time and I were returning from somewhere we had gone down the road. We were getting ready for bed when I realized that my radio had been off the entire time it took us to walk from the truck to the apartment. I immediately turned it on, just knowing that there was a call I had missed and that everyone was returning to the station. Quite the contrary, in fact. My department had been called to a house fire and the central end of the area that we occupied (The larger portion of what our area is now). They had not yet arrived on scene, so I had a working fire that I was able to go to. Getting out of city limits, when you can't run lights, is a pain in the ass. The fire didn't consume too much of the house, but the heat damage that was done to the inside was enough to make it  uninhabitable for the rest of the night at least.  Conducting overhaul on this house prove to be a difficult task because of the materials that the walls were made out of. The person who had renovated this house placed sheet rock over the existing plywood walls on the interior. This was made quite apparent of the ceiling as well when one of the firefighters nearly popped his shoulder out of place trying to pull ceiling down. The floor, however, wasn't as structurally sound as the walls and ceiling were. This was found out the hard way. 

I was helping out with overhaul, which was going about as well as a snail race in the winter. Someone had already made a nice hole in the floor near the front door because of the aging material and high heat of the fire that had already been put out. We were told, as we were coming in, to avoid the hole that had already been made. We listened. The next thing I know, I am waist deep in the floor looking up at my other two firemen that I had brought in with me...wondering how the hell I got there. No big deal though, I wasn't hurt and neither was anyone else. I'm guessing that one of the firemen heard the wood break behind him and realized that I had fallen through floor, because he turned around and frantically came over to me almost hollering "are you okay are you okay?"  Yeah, dude, I'm fine... chill, just help me the hell out of the floor. You could tell that he hadn't been in the fire service all that long from his reaction. Had that been anyone else that I normally worked with, they would've had to pick themselves up off the floor and quit laughing before they were able to help me out. 

This past weekend, we responded to a medical call near my house. Everything was going like it pretty much normally goes on a medical call where the patient can walk to the ambulance on their own. I positioned myself outside, on the porch, in order to assist the paramedic with his escort of the patient to stretcher. I felt part of the porch give under my weight when I stepped in between two of the porch frame boards. Figuring that it would give even more to add weight to the already aged wood, I took a step sideways to keep so much weight from one certain area. Escorted by the paramedic, the patient stepped out onto the porch, heading for the stretcher. 2 steps from the front door, I felt confident that the porch itself was going to hold up to the weight, at least for the short time that we were going to be on it. I was wrong. Without warning, the half of the porch on my end separated from the house. Keep in mind, we are about 5 feet off the ground. My side of the porch dropped about a foot and a half, hanging on by a thread at the other end. In a situation like that, you can't really prepare yourself to take evasive action unless you hear the wood break from under you beforehand. You just have to roll with the punches and pray to God that the ground is soft. 

When it looks like things are taking a turn for the worse in your organization, you must remain a team. Without teamwork, we may not be able to complete the objectives as effectively as we would if we were operating normally. Teamwork is key in the fire service. You have to know beyond a shadow of the doubt that the man that you is going to have your back. Keep this in mind when things seem to be going downhill for your organization, or for a particular set of firefighters inside the organization. Look at it like that porch. If built right, if things are held together tight enough, the structure will be sound against weight. If the structure begins to lose its integrity, if things begin to separate....the structure will collapse under enough weight. Just as that porch caved under ours. 

Until next time, Keep fighting the good fight. 

-Lt Will

Humanity

The world today is nowhere near what it used to be. Our society is far from a model one. Sometimes, things happen that compel people to give from their hearts and pockets. A sincerely wonderful gesture for someone who may have lost everything. 

Sometimes, people are put in extraordinary situation and are able to prevail. Last night, we were called to a home on the southern end of our area or a possible house fire. I was the first to arrive on the scene. My first sight was what appeared to be ten feet of flames coming from the roof. I knew, already, that this would be no easy job. 

The fire spread rapidly to enough of the house that an inferior attack was not a good idea. We set up fire crews at the front door, rear, and side of the house to contain the spread and knock down the now heavy flames. Once those were knocked down, we were able to go in and cool the hot spots inside to keep the fire from restarting. This all took us 3 hours. 

I had heard, while on scene, that a man had passed by and saw the fire. He stopped and beat on the doors and windows until he was able to get a man and child out of the house. This all happened right before I drove up. Things like this have a tendency to renew your faith in humanity. Had this man waited another minute, these two may not be alive today. This man saved the life of a father and son, a true hero. There still are good people in this world. Good people of the world, keep fighting the good fight. 

Lt Will-

Memory

Every time I watch the end of Ladder 49, Backdraft, or attend the funeral of someone I know (firefighter or not) I always somehow return to the thought of my own funeral. The questions of "Who will be there?", "What stories will they tell of me?", "Will I have left behind a lasting memory?"

Where it's probably not a goo thought to have, it really doesn't bother me to ponder these questions. I can only hope that I'll be able to look down and see the support from firemen that I've met along the way as well as family and friends. I can only hope that stories and laughter will be shared rather than tears. But that hopes to be a ways away. 

One thing you don't want to do in this line of service, concerning family, is leave things undone. You want peace to be made, loving words to be said, and faith in all those who cared about you unquestioned. Your family and friends should never have to wonder whether you cared for them. To this day, we still tell stories of our past chief. How he used to show up on calls early in the morning with his tshirt and forestry pants. We were convinced that he always slept with those by his bed. We tell stories of how we would be summoned into his office cause we had done something dumb, or tell stories of how much he preached about safe driving and be the first one to scratch a truck or put it in a ditch. All fond memories, all laughs. That's how I want my memory to be. 

Fighting the good fight

We all deal with our emotions in our own way. Some of us are very outward with our emotions, swearing at the heavens or crying into our pillows. Some of us, however, are very inward. We keep things to ourselves for as long as the walls will hold. If we are lucky, the emotions will subside and things will return to normal. The one real time that I had a problem was when I tried to explain to my daughter that her little cousin wouldn't be coming home. Trying to choke up those words proved to be a very difficult task. That's probably the only time that I was glad to have her mother there. To this day, I haven't shed a single tear from the loss of my nephew, I'm not exactly sure why. I figure it may be because I shed enough over the years and my tank is dry. To be honest, his passing didn't bother me that much. I can only guess that it was because I never got the chance to really know him, I had only really gotten to see him once for about ten minutes because of the hours in the NICU. What bothered me the most was to see the hurt inside my sister. Nothing bothered me more than to see my family hurting. There were days thereafter where I would have moments of complete heartbreak. Then, it was like a calm came over me, and I would go about what I was doing. Members of the Fire Department were very supportive to my sister and brother in law while the officers on my shift at work were very supportive to me. It was this support that made me feel even more like "family". On the day of the funeral and even in the days after, I found comfort in my sister's smile, I felt a weight lift off of my shoulders when she laughed, and I saw the weight lift off of hers when she would try to make others laugh too.

Through all of this, I think we've all come a little closer to god. We've found a church that we really like and fits our personalities very well. My sister has now become very involved with the March of Dimes and their fundraisers, which helps her a lot. Through this organization, she has gained even more support from those around her and have inspired those with similar stories to get involved as well. 

December 1st, I took office as Lieutenant. I had waited for this for 9 long years. In that time, I had some pretty crummy leaders. Some were a lot better than others, but some were just bad. I made a promise that I would be the best officer I could be. I would help others achieve their goals, take time to train others on what they were interested in, be available whenever possible, and go the extra mile. It's not like I have a life anyway. My medical classes had been completed before the new year, but with all that was going on and the fact that it was going to cost me $100 to get my national registry and state license, it had to be put on hold. In early February, I completed and passed my national registry test and gained my state EMS license. I was now able to answer medical calls in my county. I had been running medical calls on the fire truck for years, watching how everything goes, but now I was able to respond from home. I am rather glad that I got all that practice years ago, I went into this new field with experience and knowledge ready to take things on. Even today, I'm learning new things and new ways to help the ambulance crews that run with us. It's an awesome feeling to know that you've learned a new skill in order to better aid the people you work for and with. 

Being a rural fire officer in small department was easy back in the day. Your job was to be the leader inside and on incidents. You were the leader on scene if none of the other officers were there. These days, a fire officer is not only the leader on the hose line and interior team, but he serves in an administrative function as well. In my department, we have 4 battalions that each have a captain and 2 lieutenants. Your lieutenant is your first officer contact, he is your company leader. He takes care of the problems you may have with things that are going on, hands out directives and punishment from superior officers, and (in our case) keeps up with your participation. Some officers even have a responsibility inside the department such as maintenance, inventory, training, and so on.  Being an operational leader only is almost not an option anymore, you must also put in work and extra time for the department to run smoothly depending on the size of your department. 

Every volunteer firefighter knows....you could be sitting at home watching TV, eating dinner, or sound asleep looking forward to your day off tomorrow when, out of nowhere, the tone fires off and someones bad night just turned into your passion. This particular night, I don't remember what I was doing, but I remember that it was ten at night and I had just finished eating not long ago. Just about ready to turn in for the night, the tones roll. It sound like a typical medical call or maybe a fire alarm at one of the hotels or apartments at first.....then the dispatcher says "commercial structure fire".  Wait, WHAT?? Commercial buildings can be bad. They are designed and built different than a house, so there is way more to be mindful of. There is also no telling what may be inside the building. Fortunately for us, this was a restaurant. Had it been the Waffle House, I'm sure a lot of the guys would have been crying. Since command consisted of myself and 2 other lieutenants (because the battalion chiefs wanted to play), we divided the responsibility into ops and accountability. I took the front side of the building, directing a team of highly educated firemen to perform minor tasks. My partner directed roof operations and kept track of my progress. Command, in any variation, can be stressful, but can also give you a feeling of reward. 

The beach chick was peeking around again by then. I knew that she seemed right for me, but every time it felt like we were getting somewhere, I would be an idiot and go after something else that looked good. The more she seemed to come around, the more I would realize it. I had came upon a couple of other opportunities that proved to be bad choices at the time, which I was able to avoid. When you live where I do, people get creative about how they burn things. I once ran a mobile home fire that the man had set intentionally in order to burn away everything that wasn't metal...he went to jail for that. It also seems like people pick the day that the wind is blowing 40 miles an hour to burn their limbs and branches that fell off their tree on the last storm, then wonder how it could have ever gotten that far out of hand. Kids, they do it for fun. I'll bet if I threw their xbox in the fire, they wouldn't light any more. One of the strangest ones so far was a woods fire one afternoon. This old man decided that he wanted to burn an old, dead tree in his yard but did not want to cut it down and cut it up....so he lit it standing up. Maybe it would have went better had the wind not been blowing at all. We were able to stop the fire in the woods from getting further out of hand, but needed to stop the source before another fire started. 60 gallons of water later, we decided that this tree fire wasn't going out so easily. Instead of using the farm equipment the old man had, he decides he is going to cut this tree down....while its on fire. You, my friend, are what keeps paramedics employed. We actually called an ambulance for this guy in case the tree fell on him. Luckily, the tree came down without incident and we were able to put it completely out, but that was definitely one for the books. 

For as much as women like to complain about the men that they date, some of them will lie their ass off when they find a good one. For me, they were all from the same county. It seemed like almost every woman I found from the county just north of me had flat out lied to me about some of the most important things, things that could NOT be overlooked. It almost makes it impossible to trust people when you re handed lies like these. It wasn't just those girls either, it seemed to be quite a few of them that I was interested in. Maybe I just like picking the wrong ones. In my 22 months at the police department, I had grown to love the guys I worked with. We were quite a good element. I had also grown to hate my job. Essentially, I was one person doing the job of 5 people...all the time. Fault seemed to fall on us when something went wrong, even though our leaders saw fit to pawn responsibilities on us during day shift. I had decided enough was enough. I was tired of running myself ragged while constantly being promised that help was coming, I was tired of admin having problems with us but not willing to fix them, and I was tired of being told that my job was at stake. One of the hardest things I have ever done at work was to tell my supervisor, a guy I would rather work with over anyone else, that I was leaving. What made me feel a ton better was that he told me I was the best officer he had ever had working in the jail for him and that the department would be losing a great asset. It made me feel good that I had done my job well enough that I earned those compliments from him. In early April of 13, I left my job at the jail and went back to my previous department in dispatch. The money was better and I was looking at more opportunity and less worry. 

In the fire service, you often hear about things going on in other parts of the country. It sucks knowing that others in your position are working their ass off only to lose the battle before winning the war. The closer things are to home, the more they can have an impact on you. Mid April, 2013, a fertilizer plant in a small Texas town called 911 for help with a fire in their plant. Responding crews had no idea what was about to happen. Shortly after the initial attack on the fire at the West Fertilizer plant in West, Tx, the fire spread rapidly into storage areas inside the plant. The chemicals inside these storage areas, after a period of time, ignited, causing a chain reaction that led to an explosion that leveled some homes and caused countless damage to others in the area. A middle school, nursing home, and apartments also fell victim to the explosion. All of which were occupied at the time. When I listen to the radio traffic from this, even today, hearing the words "firefighter down" doesn't come easy to my ears. It's never something you want to hear on your radio...ever. 

At 27 years old, father of a 6 year old, and looking for a good woman...I needed to get a bigger truck. Rolling around in a small body Chevy was getting cramped. I despise loan notes, but in order for my daughter to have more room and to fit the possibility of more children, I decided to upgrade to a full size crew cab truck. My small pickup also had some issues with it that made me fixing it almost pointless. Going from a small, gas saving truck to a gas drinking full size will hit you hard in the wallet. Everything is more expensive; tires, gas, toys, etc. It also seems to promote marriage proposals. That's all fine and good when its just a joke with someone I'm friends with. When it comes as a serious sentence from someone I've wanted for years and then turns into "you would be good for me" and "I want you in my life"....its a whole new ball game. Like the person I am, I gave in and let myself believe that she was actually going to be mine this time. I couldn't have been more wrong....I was let down again. 

In my area, we are offered part time work with the FD when the paid firemen need time off. This allows us to make extra money and we get to do the same thing we would normally be doing for free. I had finally put in the paperwork to be able to do this in order to help out the paid guys at my department. In these experiences, I learned that being a paid fireman may actually be what I want to do. My mind still isn't made up. We are often requested by organizations and businesses to perform minor public relations details for children. We  usually jump at this request if the personnel is available. When offered, we try and sit down and have a meal with the people we do these things for. It warms our hearts to have the support of our community and to know that we are making a difference in these lives every day.

In the fire service, you sometimes attend funerals of people you don't even know. You do this to support the brothers that you do know and to pay respects to a lost brother. This was the third time in almost 10 years that I've heard "the last call", and it seems to have gotten easier for me. Maybe this is from hardening my outward emotions so much that I barely have any inward, or that I just did not know the guy nor had any emotion invested in the situation. Don't get me wrong, I was sympathetic, I guess I've just been broken so many times that emotion doesn't come easy for me....until it comes to a woman. On this note, beach chick was back again. This time, she came up to my work, in a rainstorm, to tell me that she wanted us to be together. OK, enough procrastination, I was doing this once and for all. I had to know if we were going to be good for each other or not. Things were great, her and I were working slowly, but coming along nicely. I felt like things were finally falling into place, I wanted no one but her. 

In our area, and in areas like ours, we encounter countless accidents on county highways. Most of these accidents are minor or require little medical aid, but on rare occasions.. we encounter accidents that impact us hard. These accidents are some of the most horrible things you ll ever see in your life. Some of these folks respond to these accident scenes and see their own families in the people that their either trying to help or trying to cover. I've ran my fair share of fatality accidents, they re no fun. These things stay with you too, for the rest of your life. I can honestly say that I can take you to each and every call that I've ever responded to and what happened. Keep in mind, 70% of all firefighters are volunteer. These people receive no pay for the things they see, do, and respond to. They do it for the love of the job and the love of their community. On the medical side, there's not many more stressful situations far from a child in distress. The few I have dealt with have left an everlasting impression on me for life. 

Things on the love front were steadily climbing, this seemed to be one of my good choices in life. I just knew we were going to make it this time. On the one year anniversary of my nephew's birthday, my sister made plans for a group of us to go to the Ronald McDonald house in New Orleans, where they had stayed while he was in NICU, to cook for the residents there in a tribute for his birthday. All those that were staying were so glad to have the company, humbled by the story, lifted every one's spirits, and were glad that we made something different that night. I believe it would be something good to do for others on a yearly date that means a lot to all of us. 

About a month and a half after trying to make this round work, I began to get the idea that my beach girl was giving me the slip. She would go days without texting me, and even then, wouldn't say much. I went to visit my dad one Saturday after he had been put in a New Orleans hospital for blood clots. If he was about to go downhill, I wanted my daughter to be able to spend more time with him. Leaving Daphne, Al that evening, I text her to chat with her like normal, only she didn't seem like she was talking normal. It would be weeks before I learned that she had found herself another boyfriend....and didn't bother to say anything to me. I was heartbroken again. I didn't let this keep me down for long though. I kept busy with the fire department, work, friends, and the one walk I do every 6 months with a friend from school, not like it helps my fitness any. It only took a month, however, for her to come right back to me with the same old lines. Did I learn? NOPE!! Never do! This time, I actually got myself into a committed and almost loving relationship with this girl right before Christmas. Shortly after the new year, she slid off again and eventually broke up with me, this time. A few weeks after, she decided she was not sure about her decision and proceeded to come around again wanting me in her life. That didn't last long either. 

We have come to current events. I know I've left off stories and other items, but I'm sure I'll come back to those here and there as I go. Remember this, If a high school 17 year old drop out can land a city government job, be a successful fireman, raise a 7 year old girl, handle heartbreak after heartbreak, see tragedy, horror, and loss regularly, and still come out on top...the same man in the shoes I was in almost 11 years ago can too. Set goals, do good things, be a positive image, and lay off drug and alcohol abuse. You can succeed if you put your goals in the front, do the right things, and work hard. You may not want to be a fireman, but doing something good for someone else that can never repay you back is one of the greatest things you can ever do in your lifetime.  Keep fighting the good fight, guys. 

Lt Will. 

For love of the job

I'll pause my story telling to say this. In my area alone...we have 9 miles of interstate, a county highway, hotels, schools, numerous misc businesses, restaurants, gas stations, apartments, and numerous other buildings. We are a group of 60 plus members, 4 battalions, 3 main response stations, skilled medical responders, and sometimes family. We answer almost every call you can think of with the exception of rail car incidents. With that being said, volunteer firemen such as myself and the others like me, are ready at the drop of a hat to put out your house fire, remove you from a wrecked vehicle, or come to your medical aid. These guys are skillfully trained and carry out their task no matter the hour, and sometimes the risk to themselves. They do this for free. The average speed on a highway is 55 mph. Accidents at these speeds can cause substantial damage to both a vehicle and a person's body. When driving on the highways...always have a way out in case you find yourself headed for a bad situation, scan the roads for hazards and always be aware of your surroundings, when you see emergency lights (whether they're blue, red, or a combination) move over, slow down, and give these emergency responders room to work safely. It's bad enough that someone may have been severely injured, but you definitely don't want to know that you injured an emergency responder when it could have been prevented. 

Another thing these fine folks are, is human. Some of these accidents can hit us hard depending on the circumstances. 2 things I ask of you. While you're sending up prayers for the victims...send one up for those that are working the incident for courage, strength, and guidance throughout the duration. Also, take time out just to say a quick thank you to those in your area that do these things. Sometimes, hearing appreciation for what we do, makes the job all that much more worth it. These guys leave their families, dinner, and even sleep to come to the aid of those that call for us. Show em you love em! 

Ohana

About a month after my last break up, and right around the same time I met the hot blond in town, i was surfing myyearbook and came upon a cute little girl from Kansas. She seemed like a good catch, there was only one problem, she lived in Kansas! Part of the reason that my daughter's mother and I never worked out the first time was because she lived almost 3 hours away from me. How was I going to have a relationship three states away? I was having fun with the blond in town though. She was hot, fun, and didn't really care what we did as long is she had me to occupy her spare time before having to tend to her motherly and adult duties. Somewhere along the way, I must have done something or said something to chase her away because she hasn't had much to say to me since then. Meanwhile, Kansas wasn't going anywhere, as a matter of fact, she was getting closer and closer. Things here weren't all that different from normal. We had hydrant testing that had to be done, host testing that had to be done, training meetings, business meetings, the occasional accident and woods fire, and the ever more rare experience of house fires. Since I still had yet to get the doctors note to return to full duty, there wasn't much I could do for some of these calls. I used this time to work on my incident command observations and play the role as much as I could.

Just before the summer arrived, I did something that I have never done in my entire life before and probably will never do again. The relationship between Kansas and I had grown to such an extent in such short of a time. Other than the distance between us, everything seemed to be wonderful. There were constant talks about her coming down to visit me, but never any plans made because plane tickets were quite the cost and her job didn't pay all that well. I don't remember how I came to it, but I came into quite a bit of money. When I say quite a bit, I mean that all my bills were paid and I still had $600 left. So what did I do? I bought round-trip tickets and paid all the fees for Kansas to come down to Mississippi to visit. Of course, I lied everyone and told them that she bought one of the tickets and I bought the other. She didn't really like that I had planned to buy the tickets, but she understood that I was going to do it anyway and just went with it. The way my schedule works, I only had to take off two days of vacation in order to spend the entire week that she and I had planned for her to be here. I had never done something like this before, so I was praying to God that it all would go somewhat positively. She was supposed to be here on a Sunday, but because of the security checkpoint from where she took off from, the plane left without her. The time was taken off, the flights were paid for, I had even reserved hotel room for a couple of nights so that the first part of our visit would be somewhat private. Because of the airports screw up, she was not able to leave until Monday morning. That poor girl pretty much stayed the night in an airport. I felt so bad for her and couldn't do a thing to help. I picked her up at the airport Monday just after lunch. We spent the first part of the afternoon driving around, showing her my beach. By the end of our little tour, we were both getting a little hungry. We decided to go put her things inside the hotel room, take a shower, and decide on what we wanted to eat. We chose a pizza joint in the town that I worked in that I had never eaten before. The place was nice and the food was decent, but she had not slept in hours and was definitely feeling the effects. We ultimately decided to go back to the hotel room after dropping the leftovers off at my house so that she could get the rest that she needed. Tuesday morning, there was no need for either of us to be up early, so we slept in as long as we could. I don't remember too many of the details from that day, but that day was planned to show her what made up my life. We had to be out of the hotel by a certain time, so we decided to take all of our things to my house, where we would be staying. Mom had told me that my little brother was playing a ball game that night, so we went over to Alabama to the ball fields to watch. Afterwards, it was an interesting experience at the Waffle House, but then again, what experience there isn't? Then, it was mom's house for a little while before hitting the road home. Wednesday, we decided to take a road trip a little bit up north. I wanted to show her my two favorite towns, both that I wanted to live in. She enjoyed the scenery of both and even admitted to getting ideas of living in one of them. The rest of the afternoon was spent just admiring the scenery of back roads and small towns. Then, it was back home for dinner and bed. Thursday was a day at the beach after I tried to get her to eat sushi for lunch. You cant win 'em all! I told her from the start, if I got a call, she was coming with me. We weren't back home for long that day before I drug her to an accident call close by that just happened to involve a friend of mine. She rather enjoyed some of that, minus my driving. Friday morning, we decided to go eat at a new place on the bay for breakfast Afterwards, we walked along town green and the old downtown area. This was to be her last day here, and it wasn't easy for her. We decided to spend the last hours of her visit asleep together, since I had to work that night and she would be getting on a plane and wouldn't be back home until almost midnight. The drive to the airport was a hard one for her. I was doing OK until she began to cry right outside the security area. I felt so bad that she had to leave, but I knew that she couldn't just leave her life behind for one good week. I wouldn't let her make a decision like that anyway. In a way, I probably didn't want her to leave either, I knew what life would be like with her around, in a good way.

Life returned to normal, we ran calls here and there, same old stuff. I had become irreplaceable to my shift and my lieutenant at work. It was a great feeling to know that your work and presence was appreciated on some level. The summer was here, my favorite time of year. Living on the beach, the summer is always a great time to get out and catch the scenery! By no means am I this kind of person, but I had been chatting up a new friend that I had met on Facebook through mutual friends. It was harmless chatting every couple of days or so and even a couple of visits to the beach. It didn't take long before I could tell that she had an interest in me, but she wouldn't show it. I was trying to fight my interest in her, but that was easier said than done. She was here, not in any other state in America, here. I could see her whenever I wanted almost and that was something interesting to me at the moment. I decided to break the news to her that I was involved with someone. She took it well, but was still adamant that she had feelings for me and that she didn't mind waiting for a brief period of time. Try as I might to fight ANY feeling toward her, all attempts failed. Moves were made, lines were crossed, and before I knew what was happening...I couldn't go back. At the end of June, a tropical storm was due to hit south Florida. This was the exact same time that I was due to take a vacation to Disney with my dad, his wife, their daughter, my daughter and I. A vacation was gonna be good for me. I would take the time to think about things going on in my life, spend a week with my daughter in the perfect place for kids, and not have to be in Mississippi. I had worked all night before the trip, so the drive home and then to Gulf Breeze was a long one.The tropical storm was still making its way to Florida, but had rumors of weakening right before landfall. We were awaiting the word of whether we were going to attempt the trip because of it. Ultimately, it would weaken enough and possibly be gone by the time we got there. WRONG! It was here that I decided to never go on vacation with my father and his wife ever again. Especially not with a 9 hour ride. Because I have local cell service, I decided to keep my phone use to a minimum to keep away from overages. I told Kansas this and that I wanted to concentrate on this time with family. Where this was, in fact, true...I also needed the time to think without distractions. That doesn't say that I was silent with her the whole week, because I would send her pictures and tell her how the day had went. I would usually text her when we got in that night from dinner. Our first day in the park, we decided to see Epcot first..1-because it doesn't hold as many fun things for kids as the others do, 2-its not as big as the other parks, and 3-because it was right in the middle of a TROPICAL STORM! Who goes to Disney during a tropical storm? These Idiots!! Another reason I refuse to take anymore vacations where my father's wife is involved is because she is, by far, the worst vacation planner that I've ever met. I was honestly disappointed for my daughter because we spent more time waiting for her to figure out what we were doing next and complaining than actually doing things. There was so much that my little girl missed out on because of this. I will say that despite all the down sides, she did enjoy herself.

I have yet to figure out how (probably because I slept the entire trip back) how a 9 hour ride to Orlando can take 12 hours to get back The only thing I wanted more than to be home in my bed, was to be the hell out of that Yukon with them. When we finally got back to Gulf Breeze, dad asked me if I was OK to get back home or did I want to stay. I'm good!! After getting home, and well after a lot of thought, I decided that I couldn't keep going with a long distance relationship. I knew that one of two things would happen. Either she would pack up and move down here with me after only a few months, or it was going to fail. My greatest fear was that she would move down here and we would get settled in only for things to fall apart not even a year later. The scariest part of that, for me, was that she would be stuck here. Of course, for a girl in love, a breakup is nothing even remotely close to pleasant. Single again. I continued to talk to the girl from the beach, spending even more time now with her. Still on the website, I was meeting new people off and on. I had even started an account on Plenty of Fish. Again, it wasn't that I was looking for a new girlfriend, I was just looking to meet new people. And this I did. Browsing around one day, I came across this woman (30) who was looking for a date to a wedding. I offered my advice with a little added humor and went on my way. To my surprise, she sent me a message returning the humor and saying that I should just take her. Alright! This woman was gorgeous, what in the world could she see in me?? Being a gentleman, I took her up on her offer and began to plan it all out since I had to work that day. The day before the wedding was to take place, she was unable to go. I understood and went about the rest of my work weekend. We would message back and forth about finding a way to meet since we seemed to connect so well. She didn't live that far away either, which was a plus. My lieutenant was getting married soon and would have a local reception to which I was invited. We began to plan a date for that wedding, which was a month or two away still. In the meantime, I was still trying to visit her in her home town. All attempts were unsuccessful. I began to get a little suspicious. The day of the reception, I received a text from her saying that she was sick and could not make it. It began to look exactly like my situation with the southern sweetheart, who was now married. I went on to the reception alone. I had a good time with my work friends, as I always do. One of the guy's wife was all about me being with a woman and was excited about the date I said that I was going to have that night. She began to ask where my date was. I explained the situation of why she couldn't be there, but she wanted to see pictures. I began to show her the pictures I had in my phone. Her instant reply was "you know Jenna?!?" Do what?? Let me back up a little...The conversations between us have revealed that she was a 30 year old mother of 2, dance instructor in Mobile, attended church regularly, and was just as country as I like 'em. I found out that I had possibly been lied to.

I went home and got on the computer. I knew the name on facebook that I needed to look up. I stopped counting at 5 matched pictures. I confronted her about my new information to which she came clean about. She was, in fact a 19 year old cheerleader, mother of 1 (although I'm still not convinced that is true), she had no job, and she had a boyfriend. I was instantly angered. I knew it had to be too good to be true, and it was. A beautiful, sweet, caring woman fell into my lap out of thin air, and it turned out to be a box full of lies. I'll admit, it hurt a little, but I don't think I would have been able to trust her after that, so maybe it was best that she move on without me. When you re in public safety, you don't get the option to evacuate with your family when disaster strikes. I was called in for mandatory duty when hurricane Gustav hit the coast. At only a category 1 hurricane when it made landfall, this would be a cakewalk at work. The good points about being at work for this was good food and lots of folks around to talk to. I was able to go home at night while it was going on due to the low safety risks. I didn't lose much sleep over this one either.

On September 18th, 2012, my sister went in for a pregnancy check up. The doctor, after some examination, sent her to Oschners hospital in Louisiana. That evening, she gave birth to a little boy that weighed only a pound 4 months premature. I was in medical class for the fire department and doing an ambulance ride along as part of the curriculum when I got the news. I tried to go see her when we made a transfer to Louisiana, but we were due back in Ms immediately after we were finished. It would have to wait. He would be in NICU for the foreseeable future. I was able to come and visit a couple of times while he was still in the hospital. The hospital had released my sister, but she did not want to leave her little boy. The hospital was able to secure them a room at the Ronald McDonald house near the hospital. This would give them an opportunity to visit as often as they could. As the days went on, he began to gain weight little by little and even be taken off of his ventilator. Local fire departments around mine had heard of the story and pitched in with fundraisers to help out in any way possible. My own department even gave for the cause.

A couple of weeks later, I had a stroke of genius. I knew that my back specialist wouldn't clear me for full duty since I was not able to complete physical therapy and I forgot about his follow up appointment. I decided to take my recovery to my regular doctor, who was the second person I reported my problem to after one of the other doctors in the practice did nothing for me. My doctor looked me over, did some tests, and felt that I was OK to perform normal duties. I was finally clear! It took me a couple weeks longer to get my gear back, but once I had it...it was ON!! Only 2 days later, I was on the back side of a burning metal storage shed fighting a fully involved RV fire. It was only after the flames were finally out that we realized there was way more inside that shed than we expected. A damn good first fire back that was. An hour after we cleared the call and put all the trucks back in service, I was pulling up in my driveway when we got the call of a hotel fire in our area. For 9 hours (only 4 of which I could stay for) my department and several from surrounding areas battled this fire that seemed to always be one step ahead of us. That's the second longest fire we have worked since a feed store caught on fire in early 2005, which I forgot to mention earlier. That particular call was 12 hours long. That's the first time I had ever made an initial attack on a commercial building. The room was a little smokey, barely enough to hinder your vision. One of the guys was on a ladder, spraying water in the attic on the fire, pushing it back to where it originated from. The command had been given to stop that progress and wait. Since we were in no immediate danger, this was not a problem. A few minutes later, I just happened to look above my head and notice flames shooting over the attic access hole to reach the space overhead to the rear of us. There has never been any greater confidence than when I looked at this sight and felt OK because I knew the guy with me had my back. Eventually, we were all called out due to the impending spread and demise of the building.

Back to the story....

I was only able to stay for 4 hours, but had the sense enough to bring the mobile air cascade with me, which I ran the entire time. Once I couldn't stay any longer, I passed my job to someone who knew what to do, and called a ride back to my truck. It wasn't until I walked into court that night at work, that I was as red as a lobster. Oh well, the price of the job I guess.
Since my new nephew looked to be coming home sometime around Christmas, It was time that I found my own place since my sister would need the room. I found a house in late October that I could rent from a guy that I worked at the police department with. He would give me a good deal on the rent since he knew what kind of person I was. As if that wasn't a good thing going for me, I had finally made the qualifications to be made an officer, and it just so happened that an elected officer position was coming up. I gathered all the required documents and submitted them for review. The election was set for the first Thursday in November, and so far..I looked to be the only applicant. I had been waiting for this for years, and it finally looked possible. November 1st, I laid down the deposit and first months rent on my new house. This was a huge step for me. I had quite a bit of help getting the place cleaned up, painted, and ready to move in within a couple of days.

November 3rd will forever be a day burned in my memory. My sister, brother in law, and mother was helping me with the finishing touches inside the house before moving all my stuff in. My nephew was due to have a procedure that day just before lunch to flush out an infection that he had gotten. The doctors assured us that things should go well. After we had finished with the house, we were all contemplating dinner ideas. My sister and brother in law were going to head back to Louisiana and eat on the way. While on the way back, they got a call to get back to the hospital as fast as they could do safely. A few hours later, I received a call from my mother saying that my nephew wasn't doing good and may not live through the night. I immediately gathered my things, left my daughter in the care of my grandparents, and proceeded west. The 2 things I was thankful not to see were tail lights and police cars the whole way. Before I could get far enough over the state line, my mother called me to say that my nephew was no longer with us. We got a good 46 days in his life, but he will have the rest of ours in our hearts.


We all have our family. Whether its blood, adopted, long time friends, or (if you are fortunate enough to be in an organization like mine) a work family. These are the people that you can always lean on when times have you down to bring your spirits back up. Even when they cannot, a good ear to listen to all your thoughts is, sometimes, the best thing a person can do for you. In my personal story...I have my blood family, I have a group of long time friends that I can call on, and I have a group of individuals that I work and volunteer with that I can always call on when I need to talk or to pick me back up from the dark hole that I sometimes seem to find myself in. We all must have these people in our lives, no matter who they are. Without people like this in our lives, it can get lonely. I am so thankful that I have had and still have some of these individuals in my life that I can rely on, and that can rely on me.

Back in the saddle

The break from the fire department was a decent one. I was able to sleep at night and do anything I wanted on my days off without worrying whether I was going to miss something fun. I still had my equipment, never did understand how they would know whether I had it or not. I figured that when I made my decision whether or not I was going along with this new direction, I would take care of the gear then. I still even had a radio mounted in my truck, although it was never on. Mostly, I was resting myself from an apparent injury I had sustained helping my father move from one house to another. In his infinite wisdom, he felt that the two of us could man-handle a couch that weighed as much as a horse rather than allowing me to call for some help. I suppose he felt a little guilty about my back troubles, cause he never asked about them until I was fixed...a year and a half later. About a week before the business meeting was to take place, I still had not decided whether or not I was joining the new fire department. It was a chilly, rainy day in October. I was driving into town to run an errand when I saw one of the fire trucks clear a traffic light on the way to a call. I realized 2 things that day. 1, firefighting is in my life..simple as that. 2, I would not know where this new direction would take me if I didn't try it for myself. I had finally decided to give the Chief, the new department, and the new direction a shot and see how it went. I was placed on roster a few days later with my year of service carried over and status as driver. I would lose my seniority due to the fact that this was a completely new department to me and there were those that had more time in than I had, but that didn't stop me from doing my job.

It took some time, but we all seemed to find a groove for us all to work in. We formed as a team and actually worked really well together, much to my surprise. We went from 3 separate departments of roughly 20 to 30 members each to a single department of roughly 70 to 80 members. To maintain the proper span of control and keep EVERYTHING off of the Chief's shoulders as they traditionally would be, we formed battalions with individual responsibilities. Each battalion had a battalion chief, a captain, and either one or two lieutenants. I was assigned to the maintenance battalion, not sure why since I know absolutely zero about truck maintenance, but I didn't argue. I wasn't fighting many house fires due to the condition of my back getting worse. I mainly drove the trucks and operated the pumps. I would fight the occasional woods fires, but never put on an air mask and walked into a house. Sometimes, it killed me, but I kept the thought that it was better for everyone if I stayed out. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I had gotten someone hurt because of my condition. I was proving myself, however, to be much more of an asset than to just put water on fire. The officers were noticing that I put forth more effort than some of the others would. I took this time to familiarize myself with the trucks acquired by the department in the merger that I had never driven before. Even though sitting killed me sometimes, I powered through the pain to do what was necessary. I had been through 2 failed tries at relationships and was in no real hurry to be disappointed again. Then out of nowhere, like it always comes, I happened to notice she was single..just not completely. She was a tiny concoction of sugar, spices, and other various personality seasonings baked into this bubbly personality and voice at every meeting. Yep, I was interested in a girl at the station. From the very beginning, it was a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. I don't particularly care for coasters, they make me sick. So this was ultimately not for me. Fact of the matter was, I was single, in every sense of the word. Until I was actually serious with someone, I was going to do as I pleased. Although it wasn't like anything was working out for me in that department anyway. My schedule didn't help matters because I had been transferred back to night shift a few months prior so day shift could train new hires, I had been promised my spot back as soon as training was complete. I learned never to believe a promise from anyone in government work.

What did keep coming back and forth was a sweet little country thing from the next town over. She was everything that I had ever wanted and more. I worked on her for months, but could never seem to motivate her enough to be mine, maybe she never wanted to be. Assuming there was no interest, I moved on. There was this social website that my friend had turned me onto called Myyearbook. I had been a member for quite some time, only active when I was looking for someone to waste time with..which only resulted in failed attempts. I would find girls on there, however, who I would meet, take out, and develop a wonderful friendship with. To this day, I'm still friends with most of them. I had reached the point where I was tired of working straight nights. I was ready for a new trade, a closer location, and a new opportunity. I applied as a corrections officer in the city to the south of where I lived, close to the beach. I had plenty of good words going for me, so I was almost sure I'd get the job. At the end of may, I got formally offered the position. I put in my two weeks at my current department and said my goodbyes. It definitely wasn't an easy thing to do. A couple of days after my last shift, my little sister became a married woman. To this day, I'm still not used to it. That night, I got to dance with one of the prettiest girls in the building, other than my little girl. Again, the little country thing was around again, making her moves and making it look like we would one day be an item. Once again, I believed it, but the dance was nice. A couple days after the wedding, I started work at my new police department

Training for this job would be easy, I already knew half of it. My field training flew by and was offered high honor by my training officer. The building was small, but it served it's purpose, barely. I was still battling back problems and they seemed to be getting worse. People were starting to really notice too. Essentially, I was a city police officer, but I only had certain authority, which seemed to change from month to month. Whatever. With this new trade, I had new state training to attend. I was scheduled for C.O. class in mid August. The night before I was due in class, I was in bed in whatever position seemed to be comfortable. I woke up in the early hours and couldn't seem to get comfortable enough to fall back to sleep. In an attempt to roll over, I twisted around. That's when I felt and heard a pop in my back. Pain shot all down my lower back and right leg. I couldn't move, it was the worst pain I had ever felt in my life. I figured maybe it would go away after some time and that I had aggravated it somehow. I attempted to relieve some pain and pressure by laying on the living room couch since it had worked very well before. Even the most comfortable surface in the house was of no comfort. I was out of options, I couldn't stay like that. Lets go back a bit, the pain in my back was just enough that laughing, sneezing, coughing, running, and even yelling made it worse. Yelling for help was no option. Luckily, I had my phone. It sounds completely dumb, but the only way I could get my sister's attention was to call her....from the living room. After having to be carried to the car, which hurt like hell, we were off to the hospital. An x-ray (which did nothing) and shot of Demerol later, I was on my way back home. The next day, I asked my doctor's nurse to send me a steroid to take away the inflammation, making rehab easier. 2 days later, I was up, walking around, taking out the trash, and letting the dogs out to the bathroom. Life had returned for me. The police department wasn't too happy that I skipped out on class, but slightly understood the reason. Although, they didn't seem to happy about that either.

After a week out with no pay, I returned to work ready to take on the job..again. Rehab was going OK, although, that stuff is expensive. I had to pay for the rehab on my own since my insurance had not yet kicked in. I was using the money I had been paid by my previous job from accrued vacation and sick leave I had not used. Once the money ran out, I could no longer attend rehab. The good news was that I felt a ton better. I was in no more pain and my movement had tremendously increased. I was back to normal. I was ready to start fighting fire again, but because I had put myself on medical leave, I had to get a letter from the doctor saying that I was well enough to perform my duties. I know that the specialist wasn't going to recommend me for full duty since I had forgot to follow up with him and I was unable to complete rehab. What now? I was able to convince my lieutenant and the Chief to allow me to return to light duty until I could get a note from the doctor. I was allowed back on calls as a driver and in a support function only. Not really what I wanted , but I'd take it. Work was going well, I was making myself an asset to my shift lieutenant and my officers. It wasn't an easy job by any stretch, no matter what the description read. I was able to be rescheduled for class in September so off to jail school I went. Of course, it was time for the little country thing to peep in again. I was beginning to feel like a George Straight song "thought I was doing fine, about to get you off my mind. I see your face and then I'm wrapped around your pretty little finger again". Enough said. My work shift and I began to grow closer as the days went on. It made me feel better to get text messages and posts on Facebook asking me when I was coming back to work. Apparently, I was such an asset in the shift that they couldn't stand when I went away for any length of time.

I was growing tired of the constant on and off business that was transpiring with little southern. What made it worse was that she was now working with me. It became blatantly obvious that she was out to date around. I was pulled aside by one of my guys and told that I needed to make my move or someone else was likely to slide in to my place. He was not subtle in the way that he said that there was some shady badges in the building. I was not surprised at all, it seemed to me that almost everyone that carried a badge and a radio (police or fire) was a little shady. What I was quick to learn was that it wasn't necessarily the badges that were shady, but if the female is convinced that she's going to do the single thing, she's going to move around with whoever she wants. I eventually got tired of waiting around for her to make up her mind and went my own way. This usually made her ask why I was so distance. Women! School was over, time to get back on shift, work must go on. In a very odd set of circumstances, I was able to reconnect with an old friend that I had lost touch with for a very long time. We spent hours catching up, which calmed her nerves from the position that she found herself in. Working in the jail, you tend to hear a lot of head shaking comments. I can remember releasing someone one afternoon, and as we were walking out, I heard someone shout "ey bro, hit me up on facebook!". I was a very popular jailer in my city. My name moved around quickly. I was described as an honest, fair, and cool officer. It wasn't that hard, all I did was treat them as people. If they acted like they were supposed to, they were treated as though the bars didn't separate us. I would stand in the hall way each day for about 5 minutes and have a conversation with those in the cells. Usually, I was already there doing a check. What most people in the jail setting don't understand, these are people too. Lock yourself in a room without the things you're used to on a daily basis, it will mess with your head. Sometimes, these people just want a little conversation. I have been able to stop a jail protest before by talking those that were about to protest down. I had more compliance on my shift than anyone else in our corner, and not one rule was broken. Not all that walked through those doors wanted things smooth, some just wanted to push back. That don't work. I learned a lot there. I learned about brotherhood, family, society, crime, and the importance of meal planning.

Not that I was really expecting anything out of it, regardless of all the sweet little words she was saying, but I happened to be noticing that little southern had gotten with one of the detectives in the department. Even though we were never going to be an item in my mind, we were still very good friends. Having her hide this from me bothered me as both a friend, and as the guy that had her sitting at his house only a couple weeks prior eating dinner. I say again, Women! Speaking of women, I didn't let the roller coaster of the female mindset keep me from exploring my other options, especially in this case. I found myself attracted to a sweet, young, college student from a couple towns over. We had been talking as friends for quite a few months, even joking about meeting one day. I had met her on the Myyearbook website I had for a long time. After some time and work, I was able to get her to agree to go on a dinner date with me in Mobile. Between losing track of time, waiting until the last minute, and taking a detour to my friend at the other police department, I was cruising through Ms to make it to mobile on time. We met at the Olive Garden. She had one of the prettiest faces I had ever seen, she was well mannered, soft spoken, had a sweet voice, and dressed with class. She was a keeper. After we ate, we decided to go see a movie, I don't remember exactly which one. She actually felt safe enough with me, at this point, to ride along with me to the movie. I had a hand from my friend at the other police department though. Afterwards, I drove her back to her car which was in the parking lot of the Olive Garden still. We stayed and talked in the parking lot until 1 in the morning. I had rang in my birthday on a date with a great girl, I couldn't have asked for better at the time. We had a few more dates after that, which usually lasted until at least midnight. I guess we just enjoyed each other's company that much.

I was still on light duty with the fire dept, unable to fight any structures, but offered my driving skills and woods fire experience where I could. I continued to rack my brain, trying to find a way to get a doctor's note to return to regular duty. I wanted back. For years, I had always wanted a traditional style helmet. Christmas of '11, my mother surprised me with one for Christmas. I couldn't use it for a while, but it would be ready for when I could! I couldn't wait to take it in with me. I was still seeing the girl from my birthday, and shortly after new years, I decided to try taking a step further. Everything seemed to be working, although, she was quite a bit younger than I was and it was definitely present in her actions. I'm not exactly sure what motivated me to make the move, because we had very little in common when it came to interests, music, and personality. She was a good girl though. The ones that leave, generally will come back, they always come back. Who decided to pop her head back in and try to occupy her spare time, yep! Clearly though, she picked the wrong time to figure her mess out because she was too late. Clearly whatever motivated me to make the move to the current girlfriend wasn't enough for me to stay, because it only lasted a month. I became single again, Back on the hunt!! I turned my social focus back to Myyearbook, cause its worked so well before.
Although, it was no worse than the way I met one of the hottest blondes in town! That was sure fun while it lasted, but I knew that there was no way she would want anymore to do with me than a secret fun thing. Back on the fire side. One night, while going out to dinner with family, my aunt chased me down the street to tell me that smoke was coming from a house that sat behind ours. I immediately radioed my brother in law, who was a firefighter with us, and told him what I was told. He confirmed that a fire had, in fact, been set inside of an unoccupied house. Fire department's fastest time ever, Immediate and on foot!!

No matter when, no matter where...your fire department is ready to run off, at the drop of a hat. Leaving dinner on the table, family at home, and fear on the truck. These brave men and women fight what you fear day in and day out. Some of these men and women do all of this for no pay at all, just like I do. When you see these folks in the streets, take a second to thank them for what they do, you never know when a simple "thank you" will make their day.