Fighting the good fight

We all deal with our emotions in our own way. Some of us are very outward with our emotions, swearing at the heavens or crying into our pillows. Some of us, however, are very inward. We keep things to ourselves for as long as the walls will hold. If we are lucky, the emotions will subside and things will return to normal. The one real time that I had a problem was when I tried to explain to my daughter that her little cousin wouldn't be coming home. Trying to choke up those words proved to be a very difficult task. That's probably the only time that I was glad to have her mother there. To this day, I haven't shed a single tear from the loss of my nephew, I'm not exactly sure why. I figure it may be because I shed enough over the years and my tank is dry. To be honest, his passing didn't bother me that much. I can only guess that it was because I never got the chance to really know him, I had only really gotten to see him once for about ten minutes because of the hours in the NICU. What bothered me the most was to see the hurt inside my sister. Nothing bothered me more than to see my family hurting. There were days thereafter where I would have moments of complete heartbreak. Then, it was like a calm came over me, and I would go about what I was doing. Members of the Fire Department were very supportive to my sister and brother in law while the officers on my shift at work were very supportive to me. It was this support that made me feel even more like "family". On the day of the funeral and even in the days after, I found comfort in my sister's smile, I felt a weight lift off of my shoulders when she laughed, and I saw the weight lift off of hers when she would try to make others laugh too.

Through all of this, I think we've all come a little closer to god. We've found a church that we really like and fits our personalities very well. My sister has now become very involved with the March of Dimes and their fundraisers, which helps her a lot. Through this organization, she has gained even more support from those around her and have inspired those with similar stories to get involved as well. 

December 1st, I took office as Lieutenant. I had waited for this for 9 long years. In that time, I had some pretty crummy leaders. Some were a lot better than others, but some were just bad. I made a promise that I would be the best officer I could be. I would help others achieve their goals, take time to train others on what they were interested in, be available whenever possible, and go the extra mile. It's not like I have a life anyway. My medical classes had been completed before the new year, but with all that was going on and the fact that it was going to cost me $100 to get my national registry and state license, it had to be put on hold. In early February, I completed and passed my national registry test and gained my state EMS license. I was now able to answer medical calls in my county. I had been running medical calls on the fire truck for years, watching how everything goes, but now I was able to respond from home. I am rather glad that I got all that practice years ago, I went into this new field with experience and knowledge ready to take things on. Even today, I'm learning new things and new ways to help the ambulance crews that run with us. It's an awesome feeling to know that you've learned a new skill in order to better aid the people you work for and with. 

Being a rural fire officer in small department was easy back in the day. Your job was to be the leader inside and on incidents. You were the leader on scene if none of the other officers were there. These days, a fire officer is not only the leader on the hose line and interior team, but he serves in an administrative function as well. In my department, we have 4 battalions that each have a captain and 2 lieutenants. Your lieutenant is your first officer contact, he is your company leader. He takes care of the problems you may have with things that are going on, hands out directives and punishment from superior officers, and (in our case) keeps up with your participation. Some officers even have a responsibility inside the department such as maintenance, inventory, training, and so on.  Being an operational leader only is almost not an option anymore, you must also put in work and extra time for the department to run smoothly depending on the size of your department. 

Every volunteer firefighter knows....you could be sitting at home watching TV, eating dinner, or sound asleep looking forward to your day off tomorrow when, out of nowhere, the tone fires off and someones bad night just turned into your passion. This particular night, I don't remember what I was doing, but I remember that it was ten at night and I had just finished eating not long ago. Just about ready to turn in for the night, the tones roll. It sound like a typical medical call or maybe a fire alarm at one of the hotels or apartments at first.....then the dispatcher says "commercial structure fire".  Wait, WHAT?? Commercial buildings can be bad. They are designed and built different than a house, so there is way more to be mindful of. There is also no telling what may be inside the building. Fortunately for us, this was a restaurant. Had it been the Waffle House, I'm sure a lot of the guys would have been crying. Since command consisted of myself and 2 other lieutenants (because the battalion chiefs wanted to play), we divided the responsibility into ops and accountability. I took the front side of the building, directing a team of highly educated firemen to perform minor tasks. My partner directed roof operations and kept track of my progress. Command, in any variation, can be stressful, but can also give you a feeling of reward. 

The beach chick was peeking around again by then. I knew that she seemed right for me, but every time it felt like we were getting somewhere, I would be an idiot and go after something else that looked good. The more she seemed to come around, the more I would realize it. I had came upon a couple of other opportunities that proved to be bad choices at the time, which I was able to avoid. When you live where I do, people get creative about how they burn things. I once ran a mobile home fire that the man had set intentionally in order to burn away everything that wasn't metal...he went to jail for that. It also seems like people pick the day that the wind is blowing 40 miles an hour to burn their limbs and branches that fell off their tree on the last storm, then wonder how it could have ever gotten that far out of hand. Kids, they do it for fun. I'll bet if I threw their xbox in the fire, they wouldn't light any more. One of the strangest ones so far was a woods fire one afternoon. This old man decided that he wanted to burn an old, dead tree in his yard but did not want to cut it down and cut it up....so he lit it standing up. Maybe it would have went better had the wind not been blowing at all. We were able to stop the fire in the woods from getting further out of hand, but needed to stop the source before another fire started. 60 gallons of water later, we decided that this tree fire wasn't going out so easily. Instead of using the farm equipment the old man had, he decides he is going to cut this tree down....while its on fire. You, my friend, are what keeps paramedics employed. We actually called an ambulance for this guy in case the tree fell on him. Luckily, the tree came down without incident and we were able to put it completely out, but that was definitely one for the books. 

For as much as women like to complain about the men that they date, some of them will lie their ass off when they find a good one. For me, they were all from the same county. It seemed like almost every woman I found from the county just north of me had flat out lied to me about some of the most important things, things that could NOT be overlooked. It almost makes it impossible to trust people when you re handed lies like these. It wasn't just those girls either, it seemed to be quite a few of them that I was interested in. Maybe I just like picking the wrong ones. In my 22 months at the police department, I had grown to love the guys I worked with. We were quite a good element. I had also grown to hate my job. Essentially, I was one person doing the job of 5 people...all the time. Fault seemed to fall on us when something went wrong, even though our leaders saw fit to pawn responsibilities on us during day shift. I had decided enough was enough. I was tired of running myself ragged while constantly being promised that help was coming, I was tired of admin having problems with us but not willing to fix them, and I was tired of being told that my job was at stake. One of the hardest things I have ever done at work was to tell my supervisor, a guy I would rather work with over anyone else, that I was leaving. What made me feel a ton better was that he told me I was the best officer he had ever had working in the jail for him and that the department would be losing a great asset. It made me feel good that I had done my job well enough that I earned those compliments from him. In early April of 13, I left my job at the jail and went back to my previous department in dispatch. The money was better and I was looking at more opportunity and less worry. 

In the fire service, you often hear about things going on in other parts of the country. It sucks knowing that others in your position are working their ass off only to lose the battle before winning the war. The closer things are to home, the more they can have an impact on you. Mid April, 2013, a fertilizer plant in a small Texas town called 911 for help with a fire in their plant. Responding crews had no idea what was about to happen. Shortly after the initial attack on the fire at the West Fertilizer plant in West, Tx, the fire spread rapidly into storage areas inside the plant. The chemicals inside these storage areas, after a period of time, ignited, causing a chain reaction that led to an explosion that leveled some homes and caused countless damage to others in the area. A middle school, nursing home, and apartments also fell victim to the explosion. All of which were occupied at the time. When I listen to the radio traffic from this, even today, hearing the words "firefighter down" doesn't come easy to my ears. It's never something you want to hear on your radio...ever. 

At 27 years old, father of a 6 year old, and looking for a good woman...I needed to get a bigger truck. Rolling around in a small body Chevy was getting cramped. I despise loan notes, but in order for my daughter to have more room and to fit the possibility of more children, I decided to upgrade to a full size crew cab truck. My small pickup also had some issues with it that made me fixing it almost pointless. Going from a small, gas saving truck to a gas drinking full size will hit you hard in the wallet. Everything is more expensive; tires, gas, toys, etc. It also seems to promote marriage proposals. That's all fine and good when its just a joke with someone I'm friends with. When it comes as a serious sentence from someone I've wanted for years and then turns into "you would be good for me" and "I want you in my life"....its a whole new ball game. Like the person I am, I gave in and let myself believe that she was actually going to be mine this time. I couldn't have been more wrong....I was let down again. 

In my area, we are offered part time work with the FD when the paid firemen need time off. This allows us to make extra money and we get to do the same thing we would normally be doing for free. I had finally put in the paperwork to be able to do this in order to help out the paid guys at my department. In these experiences, I learned that being a paid fireman may actually be what I want to do. My mind still isn't made up. We are often requested by organizations and businesses to perform minor public relations details for children. We  usually jump at this request if the personnel is available. When offered, we try and sit down and have a meal with the people we do these things for. It warms our hearts to have the support of our community and to know that we are making a difference in these lives every day.

In the fire service, you sometimes attend funerals of people you don't even know. You do this to support the brothers that you do know and to pay respects to a lost brother. This was the third time in almost 10 years that I've heard "the last call", and it seems to have gotten easier for me. Maybe this is from hardening my outward emotions so much that I barely have any inward, or that I just did not know the guy nor had any emotion invested in the situation. Don't get me wrong, I was sympathetic, I guess I've just been broken so many times that emotion doesn't come easy for me....until it comes to a woman. On this note, beach chick was back again. This time, she came up to my work, in a rainstorm, to tell me that she wanted us to be together. OK, enough procrastination, I was doing this once and for all. I had to know if we were going to be good for each other or not. Things were great, her and I were working slowly, but coming along nicely. I felt like things were finally falling into place, I wanted no one but her. 

In our area, and in areas like ours, we encounter countless accidents on county highways. Most of these accidents are minor or require little medical aid, but on rare occasions.. we encounter accidents that impact us hard. These accidents are some of the most horrible things you ll ever see in your life. Some of these folks respond to these accident scenes and see their own families in the people that their either trying to help or trying to cover. I've ran my fair share of fatality accidents, they re no fun. These things stay with you too, for the rest of your life. I can honestly say that I can take you to each and every call that I've ever responded to and what happened. Keep in mind, 70% of all firefighters are volunteer. These people receive no pay for the things they see, do, and respond to. They do it for the love of the job and the love of their community. On the medical side, there's not many more stressful situations far from a child in distress. The few I have dealt with have left an everlasting impression on me for life. 

Things on the love front were steadily climbing, this seemed to be one of my good choices in life. I just knew we were going to make it this time. On the one year anniversary of my nephew's birthday, my sister made plans for a group of us to go to the Ronald McDonald house in New Orleans, where they had stayed while he was in NICU, to cook for the residents there in a tribute for his birthday. All those that were staying were so glad to have the company, humbled by the story, lifted every one's spirits, and were glad that we made something different that night. I believe it would be something good to do for others on a yearly date that means a lot to all of us. 

About a month and a half after trying to make this round work, I began to get the idea that my beach girl was giving me the slip. She would go days without texting me, and even then, wouldn't say much. I went to visit my dad one Saturday after he had been put in a New Orleans hospital for blood clots. If he was about to go downhill, I wanted my daughter to be able to spend more time with him. Leaving Daphne, Al that evening, I text her to chat with her like normal, only she didn't seem like she was talking normal. It would be weeks before I learned that she had found herself another boyfriend....and didn't bother to say anything to me. I was heartbroken again. I didn't let this keep me down for long though. I kept busy with the fire department, work, friends, and the one walk I do every 6 months with a friend from school, not like it helps my fitness any. It only took a month, however, for her to come right back to me with the same old lines. Did I learn? NOPE!! Never do! This time, I actually got myself into a committed and almost loving relationship with this girl right before Christmas. Shortly after the new year, she slid off again and eventually broke up with me, this time. A few weeks after, she decided she was not sure about her decision and proceeded to come around again wanting me in her life. That didn't last long either. 

We have come to current events. I know I've left off stories and other items, but I'm sure I'll come back to those here and there as I go. Remember this, If a high school 17 year old drop out can land a city government job, be a successful fireman, raise a 7 year old girl, handle heartbreak after heartbreak, see tragedy, horror, and loss regularly, and still come out on top...the same man in the shoes I was in almost 11 years ago can too. Set goals, do good things, be a positive image, and lay off drug and alcohol abuse. You can succeed if you put your goals in the front, do the right things, and work hard. You may not want to be a fireman, but doing something good for someone else that can never repay you back is one of the greatest things you can ever do in your lifetime.  Keep fighting the good fight, guys. 

Lt Will.